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10 August 2010 @ 10:22 am
I saw my Franki on yours. Eyes, face, personality, intelligence, charm, calm-ess.
I feel like you should be with someone better, don't you think that?
I mean.. shouldn't you be with me?
I don't even mind if I should become your second woman.

Don't you see me? Don't you look at me?
I.. should be with you. I'm.. so much better than you have right now. I.. fall in love with you.
Current Location: Kost Room
Current Mood: rejectedrejected
Current Music: Autumn Tale OST
01 August 2010 @ 10:05 am
He asked what I've said. He gave me a chance to say--something that I'm not good at it.
He called my name when I was sitting alone.
I really often met him, far more often than met the other boys.
My friend guessed that the boy who likes me was him.

Nevermind. Just some little annoying coincidences. Hee! :D
Current Location: kost room
Current Mood: curiouscurious
Current Music: pancuran air kolam ikan
31 July 2010 @ 11:45 am
this is my first night being left alone at kost room.
I feel not only tired, hungry, lonely, but also happy.

I'm gonna live a new life.

wish me luck...
Current Location: kost room
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
28 July 2010 @ 09:34 pm
one of my friend texted me on facebook like this

"I'm scared but I'm also excited to be solitary in university.
What do you think about growing up to young adult? Is it tough and hard to live on?"

and I answered like this

"am not really excited of this campus life.. I'm far more excited with work or marriage life, seriously...
an old says that real life begins when we work or marrying someone"

it reminded me when I was in junior high school, my friend had ever asked why I really got obsessed with marriage thingy. "Don't say that you only want to do that,". I always laugh if I remember that question.

No, of course not. Not only that. LOL. But the real reason is.. mm I don't know exactly, but I think marrying someone means you've found someone who can accept whoever you are forever. You can begin your newest happiest life, designing your dream home, or whatever you couldn't do when you were alone. And for the next years you can give a birth to your babies, doing the baby-sit. Sometimes your husband will help you taking care the babies, taking or picking them up to the kindergarten, buying them the toys they want, then I should stop dreaming now. ZZZ

Current Location: lovely home
Current Mood: naughtynaughty
05 May 2010 @ 10:33 pm
yes, I'm failed, again, disappointing my parents, family, and friends.
Am I this dumb? What's wrong with me? Am I keep getting dumber and dumber than before? This is not me, I'm sure about that.

This morning I was COL, not LOL : Crying Out Loud, knowing the result. And it continues to a whole day. Wanna cry when brushing teeth, wanna cry when watching TV (inspite of the comedy show which was being watched), wanna cry when studying, wanna cry when taking a bath, and really crying when praying.
Maybe because I almost never fail in my life, and I'm not ready for this. too bad.
But actually, this is not about me, this is all about my parents. Realizing how much I want to make them proud of me. I could see the disappointment in my mom's face. Can't help myself crying when I wrote this.

I'm going to take the other tests. Almost all of the tests And the worst thing is, I'm going to study again.
But a friend told me this, "No pain, no gain,". Yeah, I'm gonna take these pains willingly.
I have no idea with the big amount my parents had spent for my test forms.

mianhada omma, appa.

ps: and now wanna cry when going to bed
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
03 May 2010 @ 02:33 pm
Tonight will be one of most important night ever. No, it's not my first night with my husband, lol (I'm sure it'll be my most important night). UNPAD will give the announcement tomorrow, maybe at midnight. And I'm considering to ask Rahma to accompany me until midnight, haha, coz she always support me in my previous tests.

Well, I'm vasting now, hope this will makes God giving more His helps for me. Amin
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: A Love to Kill OST
03 May 2010 @ 02:02 pm
A too-long-holiday (well actually not a holiday for me, coz I keep studying) makes me realizing something. There are too much things to be regretted in my life. Too much, that I can't find a way to delete, or at least to leave them all. I had done so many falses in every phase of my life. And they're all silly. Too much shames, that sometimes I think I'm the one who should leave this world, not my falses.

I wonder if other people actually had done falses as many as mine, but they never think of them too hard like I'm doing rite now?
Is that only me who too sensitive?

I always hope I'll get better things in the next phase, but it would always has the same endings, eventhough I had tried my best and learned from my past. I know the wrong things is in me, but what if I had fixed it and it keeps going on like that?

Seriously what's wrong with me GOD?
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Mianhada Saranghanda OST
21 March 2009 @ 11:44 pm
I've lied myself

That day he asked for a mouthful of food I brought

"Hey, what's that? May I try some?"
"Ah yeah, please," actually I could give him a whole of my food :D

I'm sure my heart was racing at that moment and so on...

In the afternoon a friend told me that he had called me.

"He's sick," he told that his chairmate was sick. But there was a letter from him which said that he was late.
"Hmm? He was late, wasn't he?"
"No he's sick,"
I showed him the letter,"But in here, her mother said he was late,"
"What? I can' t hear you,"
I was really affraid that I had to repeat my sentence.
"The letter said that he was late,"
I thought it was over when suddenly, a moment later, he came to where I was sitting, kneeled down beside me, and reading the letter. If only you do this when you propose me
"It's 19th March,"
That was ashamed. "Today is? Eh, I really forget. Now is 20th March,"
Then he went back.

I just wanted to sing Howl's Dang Shin Eun at that moment
Yes, I'm a fool, Dang Shin Eun, Nan babo ~_~'

And do you know why I should feel really silly for those unimportant things?
Because I wanna be looked as a perfect in front of him
Because I want him to like me
Because I love him

Gee, I've lied myself :'(

Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Kim Sam Soon OST
15 March 2009 @ 08:41 pm
hey, this is my first posting in live journal...
and honestly, I really really don't understand what should I do here...
I'm just a dumb newbie, huahahaha
I have joined in some communities, but, then what??
anyone can tell me why should I do now here?
Current Mood: confusedconfused